Nicole Wilker » Funny

Please be neat…

nwilker — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 14:07:19 +0000

I was in the rest room at work today and “my toilet” had piddle on it. Ewwww…

This is a very small building there can’t be more than 25 women that would use the rest room….
Sigh. Seriously? Piddle? Are we not all grownups?

My mind immediately started singing a little song my sister taught me -

If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat!

I got a Tramp Stamp!

nwilker — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 15:56:47 +0000

Just kidding!

Sorry mom – didn’t mean to give you a heart attack!

Sunday hubby and I decided to go for a little bike ride. I have been feeling thinner (probably because i am – versus last year at this time) and therefore things that have sat in the closet for ages now fit.

I chose a cute little exercise top with little strapies that matched my shorts. I put suntan lotion on my arms, had hubby do my back – there was a bit exposed in this little number – woohoo me!

We head out, 1/2 way to the bike trail i notice when i “bend” over to reach for the handlebars my fancy little shirt shifts up… Hmmm…
Wonder if this will be a problem…

Let me tell you – HELL YES it was a problem!
I got a fabulous burn on the Tramp Stamp area of my lower back. Oooofa!
Also got some lovely burns around my strapies cause hubby didn’t do his job – he claims i shifted after he applied the sun screen so i am to blame. I disagree! Of course!

I figure next time i’ll put a sticker or 2 back there and have a temporary tatoo!
Or maybe next time i’ll just wear a longer shirt and sun screen!

Where is the milk?

nwilker — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 14:08:14 +0000

The other week I got to work and realized i didn’t have milk for my cereal… sigh.
The next day i made sure i had my milk.
I head to the garage and start putting all my stuff in the car.
I back out of the garage and head to work. Which includes stop and go through town.
Half way there I freak out. I’m trying to use the stick shift, move my stuff on the seat and try and remeber where the heck i put the milk.
Then i remeber… Crap – it’s on the roof…. Or it was…
I careen over to the side of the road, jump out and whala – there it is… my little container of white goodness.
Whew!!

Funny!

nwilker — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 14:34:39 +0000

Got this in my email and just had to share!

Okay so this is how I imagine this conversation went:

Walmart Employee: ‘Hello ‘dis be Walmarts, how can I help you?’

Customer: ‘ I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week.’

Walmart Employee: ‘What you want on da cake?’
Customer: ‘Best Wishes Suzanne’ and underneath that ‘We will miss you’.

Cha-cha-changes

nwilker — Mon, 11 May 2009 19:47:44 +0000

Well, yes i have been amiss in my wittey banter on my blog. I do snippets via twitter which land on facebook, and that seems to be how i’m exchanging info these days.
So sad, so very sad.

I found yet another new job. This contract was giving me the heebie jeebies – as far as the outlook, pipeline, and money being paid… So when my old boss, heard from a mutual previous co-worker that they were looking for some people, i sent that resume into cycber space faster than you can say “how much do they pay?”

It lapsed a week and i figured i was not the right fit. Ah well. I tried. And then i was out an about on a saturday and got an email from the project manager asking if i would be interested in a phone interview durning the weekend. I agreed – a little weird to have interviews on the weekend – is this something i should be concerned about?
We chatted and joked and got along famously! Woohoo! She set up phase 2 which was meeting the team. Cool.
That week I met the team – again, we chatted and joked and got along famously – could it really be this easy. They asked -”what makes you such a great fit for company A?” To which i replied – “well, cause I rock of course!”
To which we all laughed and i filled in the appropriate verbiage to answer the question.

I had the offer in hand that friday night! Color me tickled pink.

I can’t wait to spread my wings, try something new, get into a company that is really starting to blossom, and kick some serious butt!

My Living Will

nwilker — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 15:06:18 +0000

My mom sent me this and it was just too funny not to share:

MY LIVING WILL

Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her,
“I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine
and
fluids from a bottle to keep me alive.That would be no quality of
life at all, If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”

So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.

She’s such a bitch.

The wii ratted me out!

Nicole — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 03:43:48 +0000

Hubby got the wii fit as a present as i may have mentioned. Well, it’s mean….
When he first got it, it weighed him and in a very lovely asian high pitched voice, told him he was “overweight” and made his cute little avitar a little fatty…
Ugh! So not motivating!

If you don’t happen to have one – the little wii board talks to you on the screen. It asks questions, gets sad when you don’t want to hear it’s tip of the day, and jumps for joy when you do things right.
The other day it asked me if i thought Hubby was leading a heathly life (one of those questions where you don’t get to answer)
Then is asks me how i think hubby looks – and gives me some choices including, the same, heavier, trimmer etc.
I choose heavier – i figure it’s me and the wii having a little girl conversation. (and he did spend time with tom – they always eat bad)
Then is tells me i should refrain from telling hubby this fact or if I do i should indicate that he appears as if he have been living life large.
I laugh out loud and tell hubby what went down.

The next time hubby is on taking his training the wii tell him it “heard a rumor that he had been living large”
Holy guacamole!!!

Good thing i came clean – there are really only 2 people in the house using this dang thing!
Little big mouth!